Train Wreck Rugelach

The disaster that is my Rugelach

My co-worker and I were talking about that complete train wreck of a "reality" show Hey Paula this afternoon.

Little did I know I would live that show in my kitchen. (Minus the mind-altering, mind-numbing pharmaceuticals that Paula might be taking...)

I tried to make the popular dessert Rugelach from the Martha Stewart Baking Handbook (page 85).

Like most absolute disasters and fiascos, things started out fine. Got me some fine ingredients: butter, cream cheese, walnuts, cute itsy bitsy mini chocolate chips, golden raisins, and some yummy apricot jelly.

The dough was made and set to chill out for an hour. Then you roll it out, brush some melted apricot jam on the surface, followed by a cool mix of finely ground walnuts and those totally adorable mini-chocolate chips.

Then tragedy strikes in so many ways.

I cut the little guys with a pizza cutter into 16 pieces (apparently, the Eastern Europeans Jews that brought over this dessert stopped in Italy for the pizza cutter). Then I rolled them up...like I thought they wanted to be rolled. But apparently I failed.

I think I didn't roll them tight enough or cut them right. Or the batter was all wrong. Whatever the case, I had a hard time falling asleep...

I kept thinking a group of elderly Eastern European grandmothers would come over to my house (carrying big rolling pins in their hands), and because I so completely messed up their cookie, they would completely take back the delicious dessert they brought to this country. Yes, take it away from the counters at Canter's and everything.

Luckily, my friend Jami said, "on behalf of all the ashkenazi jews, i hereby give u license to make whatever stuff u want." Great. I'll try again later!

Before baking and coming out of the oven looking like rugelach that were run over by a truck...